When someone you care about is grieving, it’s hard to know what to do—or say.
You want to be helpful. You want to show up. But suddenly, even the simplest texts feel loaded.
“Should I check in? What if they want space? What if I say the wrong thing?”
The truth is, you don’t have to be perfect to be supportive. You just have to be present, thoughtful, and human.
Here’s how to support a grieving friend—with empathy, intention, and no pressure to “fix” anything.
1. Say Something. Seriously. Say Something.
The worst thing you can do is nothing. Even a simple “I’m so sorry” can mean the world.
You don’t need to find magic words. You just need to show you care.
Try this instead of silence:
- “I just heard the news. I’m so sorry. I’m here for you.”
- “There’s no right thing to say, but I wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.”
- “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m sending you love.”
2. Avoid Platitudes (Even Well-Meaning Ones)
Things like “Everything happens for a reason” or “They’re in a better place” often hurt more than they help—especially early in grief.
What to skip:
- “At least they’re no longer in pain.”
- “It was their time.”
- “God needed another angel.”
These statements may feel comforting to you, but they can feel dismissive or invalidating to someone in deep pain.
3. Listen Without Trying to Solve
Grief isn’t a problem to fix. It’s an experience to move through—and everyone does it differently.
Let your friend cry, vent, be silent, or say the same story three times in a row. They’re processing.
Try saying:
- “I’m here to listen—no need to explain anything.”
- “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I’m just here.”
4. Offer Specific Help
“Let me know if you need anything” is nice in theory, but it puts the burden back on them to ask for support—when they may not have the energy or clarity to do so.
Instead, offer something specific and doable.
Try:
- “Can I drop off food this week?”
- “I have a free afternoon—want me to help with errands?”
- “I’m going to Target. Need anything?”
- “Can I walk your dog / take care of that call for you?”
Even small gestures can bring huge relief.
5. Don’t Disappear After the Funeral
Grief lasts longer than most people expect. The hardest days are often weeks or months after the loss—when the meals stop and everyone else seems to move on.
Set a reminder to check in a few weeks later. And again after that.
Ideas:
- Text them on hard anniversaries
- Invite them to something low-pressure (a walk, coffee, a quiet hang)
- Send a random meme, playlist, or memory of their person—when the time feels right
It’s the long-term presence that matters most.
6. Respect Their Pace and Boundaries
Some people want to talk about their loss. Some don’t. Some want distraction. Others need quiet.
Follow their lead. Let them set the tone, and don’t take it personally if they’re not ready to talk, hang out, or text back.
7. Be Okay with the Mess
Grief is messy. It’s unpredictable. Your friend might cry, laugh, shut down, vent, or ghost you for a bit.
Let that be okay.
You don’t need to say the perfect thing—you just need to show up in love, over and over again.
Final Thought: You Being There Matters
You can’t take away their pain. But you can sit beside them in it. You can make the unbearable a little less lonely.
And that, truly, is everything.